While waiting in line for coffee the other day, I looked around the shop and  ”people-watched”.  At one table there were 4 adults and 5 children and I thought perhaps two families were having coffee together.   At first I was envious when I saw the 2 year boy sitting on his dad’s lap touching an I-Pad.   My first thought was, “I wish I had an I-Pad.”   Then I saw that the 3 year old girl and her mother were doing the same on a different I-Pad.   Another dad was working at his computer while an infant lay in a baby carrier beside him.  A 7 year old girl was playing a hand-held computer game.   Finally, the other mom was talking on her cell phone while holding a baby.   As I took this all in, I wasn’t envious anymore.  I was concerned.
The children were not communicating with the adults or with each other.  There was no eye-contact, no verbalizations, no smiles.    Children learn by interacting with and observing others,  and what these children were learning at that moment  was how to communicate with objects .  They watched how their parents communicated with things and learned it well.  But have the children learned social communication?  Have they learned the importance of looking at someone when they talk to them, or how to actively listen to another person?  Have they learned to empathize or show concern?  I don’t know.  I only saw this one, tiny snapshot of their lives.   Perhaps this was an unusual occurrence for these families, however, many of us have probably witnessed similar situations.

I am not against technology by any means.  I use technology and rely on it every day.  I still want an I-Pad!  But I encourage every parent, especially during a young child’s development, to focus on communication and how to get along with others in the social world.   Having good social and communication skills will help your children become successful adults.  Technology has its place, but I wonder what the long-term impact for kids and families might be?

Thea Zitzow, M.Ed
Go to www.Uflipp.com for information about Thea and her co-author’s new book, Every Kid’s Guide to Living Your Best Life

This is what little Anna heard each night after her bath. Little did her mother know, that Anna thought the name of her fuzzy, pink bath attire was a Robon (robe-on).

Jacob knew his alphabet by heart.  When he got to Kindergarten, his teacher asked him what letter came after “K”, Jacob  proudly exclaimed “elemenopee”.

Children often misunderstand adults words, meanings or intentions.   Adults often assume that kids can think like adults and that they understand the nuances of language.  However, developmentally, kids may need more explanation than we give.  Parents may also believe that kids should be able to use their common sense to deal with the social and emotional stressors of daily living.  But how do kids gain common sense?

The fact is kids learn a great deal of what we call common sense when presented with step-by-step instructions that specifically describes the learning task.    When Tommy, aged 4, hits his little brother for taking his toy, we tell Tommy that hands are not for hitting and we teach him what to say.  “Tell your brother you’re sorry.”  We then teach Tommy a better way to communicate his frustration, by saying, “That makes me mad when you take my toy.  Please give it back.”

In our experience, for most everything in this world kids need direct instruction and practice in social and emotional skills.  Assuming that kids have the knowledge they need is a mistake on our part as adults.  Kids depend on adults to help them learn the skills necessary for coping with the stressors in their world.    So the next time you tell your child to “cut it out” make sure the scissors are out of sight and instead tell them specifically what you want them to do.

Sara Jensen-Fritz, MS, Psy.S.,

Paula Jones-Johnsons, BSW, M.Ed.

Thea L. Zitzow, M.Ed

Authors of Every Kid’s Guide to Living Your Best Life and You and Your Military Hero

For more information, go to www.Uflipp.com.

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